Unhappy Tree OCs
by RedEyedWarrior
Summary: Fiachrius builds a mansion for the OCs, Flippy and Lumpy after Splendid has accidentally destroyed their homes. What chaos ensues at Fiachrius's manor? Toothy moves in!
1. A Warm Welcome

**Since it is summer and the only other major story I am working on is **_**Total Drama Yuri**_**, I decided to write this OC story. Fiachrius has built himself a nice manor. However, thanks to Splendid being incompetent as a superhero, the other OCs are homeless and now the OCs are forced to live under the same roof as Fiachrius. What will happen then?**

**Flippy, Lumpy and the other HTF characters belong to MondoMedia. I just own the OCs.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

The OCs were sitting in the sitting room of Fiachrius's house.

"How dare that foo Splendid destroy my house?" groaned Ella, a black elephant with green hair and a lavender flower on her head.

"It was an accident," said Fido, a blue Labrador dog with light blue paws, belly patch, ears and tail. "But let us not forgive him. At least Fiachrius was kind enough to let us stay here."

"I'm not sure I am comfortable living under the same roof as Fiachrius," said Lola, a dark green moose the same size as Giggles. Unlike her father, she has a small, pink, heart-shaped nose, ears similar to Lammy's and an aqua bow on her left ear. As she's a female moose, she has no antlers.

"Would you rather be here or still be living in Lumpy's caravan?" asked Oisin, a red monkey with an orange camouflage skull cap, orange belly, orange paws and an orange nose. He slightly resembles Buddhist Monkey, but they're not related.

"I suppose," sighed Lola. "At least we're closer to Flaky's house."

"And at least Lumpy's living with us," said Garda McBossyboots, a yellow fox the same height as Lumpy. He has on him brown Garda attire, even though he was recently fired from the force, courtesy of Haddy. Everyone looked at him oddly. He whistled.

"Man, I can't imagine how Uncle Flippy will react when he learns that his house is wrecked thanks to Splendid," sighed Daisy, a white bear with a yellow bow on each ear and a white daisy on her head. She wasn't her usual happy self.

"I'm sure he'll understand it was Splendid's fault," Sierra assured her, a grey mouse the same height as Daisy. She had on her a lime-green bow on each ear.

"Yes, but he'll **still** be mad," sighed Daisy. "It gets very ugly when he's mad."

"You anger him very often," said Cleo, a green/yellow fox the same height as Giggles.

"Did I ask for your opinion, did I?" snapped Daisy.

"Don't you dare talk to my daughter that way you bitch!" snarled Garda McBossyboots.

"And what are you going to do about it, huh?" demanded Sierra. "You can't have her thrown in jail, you know. You're no longer a guard, remember?"

"You want to fight!" Garda McBossyboots threatened, ready to pounce on Sierra when the yellow fox was suddenly tased. Everyone turned around and saw Haddy at the door, a tall purple Labrador dog donning brown army boots, brown shorts and a camouflage vest. A taser was in her left hand and Splendid's severed head was in her right. Garda McBossyboots eventually died of electrocution.

"Ooh, that ought to hurt," said Odile, a brown moose with similar features to Lola, but with a lilac flower on her right ear. "Nice aim Haddy."

"All in a day's work," Haddy replied, reeling Garda McBossyboots's corpse towards her. She turned to Eric Chin, a light brown teddy bear with black glasses and buck teeth. "Eat it!" Haddy ordered, tossing the corpse onto Eric's lap.

Eric Chin was horrified. "I can't," he protested.

"Do you want to go to the principal's office again?" Haddy warned him. Eric Chin sighed and swallowed the corpse whole. He died in the process.

"Hello?" came a voice from the hallway. "Is this Fiachrius's house?"

"No," replied Oisin.

"Yes it is," said Fido.

Aidin, a pink rabbit with an orange flower over her head, entered with her luggage.

"So this is where we're living?" she asked. Odile nodded. Aidin sighed relentlessly and said: "Ugh! That idiot Splendid! I can't believe he destroyed my house!"

"Don't worry," Haddy assured her, "I ripped his head off."

Aidin entered the room and sat between Lola and Odile and opposite Mario, a red lion with a green mane. He was wearing a black tuxedo.

"Well hello sexy baby, how are you doing?" asked Mario, trying to hit on the pink rabbit.

"I have a boyfriend!" snapped Aidin. "You know Zer0, don't you?"

"But I'm wealthier than Zer0!" Mario boasted.

"That's because you have connections with the Happy Tree Mafia," Sierra mused.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Mario screamed at Sierra. Sierra reached over and removed Mario's moustache from his snout. "OH?" yelped Mario, clutching his snout. Haddy marched up to Mario, seized him by the legs and held him upside down.

"WHERE'S THE MONEY?" snarled Haddy.

"AYO!" yelped Marion. "I have no money!"

Haddy responded by vertically shaking Mario. Money spewed out of his pockets. Haddy dropped the lion and swiped the money away.

"HEY!" snapped Mario. "That is my money!"

"Tough!" snarled Haddy. "Mine now!"

Mario glared at Fido when Haddy left the room.

"What?" asked Fido.

"Your sister stole my money!" growled Mario.

"I don't care," replied Fido.

"Nobody cares," Odile added.

Mario sulked.

* * *

Fiachrius entered the house. "I'M HOME!" he shouted. He's a grey schnauzer with blue ears and paws.

"No need to be so loud," scoffed Alejandro, a black horse with characteristics similar to Mario's, except that Alejandro's ears resemble Lammy's, and his mane is brown.

"You give me cheek and I'll make you give Oisin a lap dance," Fiachrius threatened. "Anyway, so how are you guys finding my mansion?"

"I feel a bit like a character on _Jersey Shore_ or _Tallafornia_," said Ella, "except there's no camera."

"You watch those shows?" asked Daisy.

"Yeah, they're good shows," said Ella. Everyone looked at her in sheer horror.

"Explains why she's a little empty in the head," Fiachrius mused.

"Yo!" snapped Ella. "You diss _Jersey Shore_ or _Tallafornia _and I'll slap you silly, foo!"

Fiachrius shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat. Anyway, ye better go pick your rooms soon. It's like six o'clock in the evening."

"When's dinner?" asked Lola. "I'm starving."

"What is this, _Come Dine With Me_?" demanded Fiachrius.

"I bet **you **watch that show!" sneered Ella.

"I don't," said Fiachrius, "but Lola does."

"It's not a bad show," said Lola. "If you're not going to cook, then are we getting a take away?"

"Why not?" said Fiachrius. "Let's have some Domino's. We'll order eight pizzas. Who wants pepperoni?"

All except Mario, Daisy, Sierra, Odile and Lola rose their hands.

"We'd like a Hawaiian," said Sierra and Daisy.

"Same here," said Odile. "I could have it half-on-half with Fido."

"Sounds good," said Fido.

"I'll have Hawaiian as well," said Lola.

"Me too," said Mario.

"Actually, can you gave me and Mario **separate** personal pizzas, please?" asked Lola.

"Ah screw it," said Fiachrius. "All of us will have a six-slice pizza for ourselves." He got out his HTC Desire C and dialled the number to Domino's.

"_Hello, this is Domino's_," said Disco Bear. "_Would you like some toppings on your pizza or would you like **me** on top of **you**?_"

"You do realise that straight guys, lesbians, asexuals and pretty much everyone else with a brain could be the ones ringing you," said Fiachrius.

Disco Bear flinched. "_Um...forget what I said_," he said, sheepishly. "_So what will you have_?"

"Eleven personal pepperoni pizzas and five personal Hawaiian pizzas," said Fiachrius. "And if you want me to keep a secret of what you just said to me when you first answered the telephone, those pizzas better be on the house and they'd better be at my doorstep within half an hour."

"_Got it_!" screeched Disco Bear, slamming down the telephone.

"There," said Fiachrius, "all taken care of."

Flippy, Lumpy and Sparky entered the room. Sparky is an orange Labrador dog the same height as Lumpy, and he is Fido and Haddy's adoptive father. They brought in the last of their luggage.

"I am so going to f***ing kill Splendid!" hissed Flippy. He was on the verge of flipping out.

"Relax, I've killed him today," said Haddy, as she returned to the sitting room from the garage.

"So what's for dinner?" asked Sparky.

"Pizza," said Fiachrius. "Hope you like pepperoni."

"I don't mind," said Sparky.

"Me neither," said Flippy.

"I LIKE WAFFLES!" exclaimed Lumpy for no reason as he sat down next to Lola.

"Dad, you've said that for like a million times today!" groaned Lola, and she wasn't exaggerating. She turned to Aidin and whispered: "If it weren't for you guys I would've stayed in Finland."

"You could convince the authorities that you can live independently," Aidin whispered back.

"I WANT PANCAKES!" exclaimed Lumpy for no reason.

Fiachrius placed duct-tape over Lumpy's mouth. "There, that's taken care of," he said.

Garda McBossyboots entered the sitting room. "Oww, what happened?" he groaned.

"I'm not telling you," said Haddy. "And if you know what's good for you, you'd shut the hell up."

Garda McBossyboots nodded obediently. Not thinking clearly, he sat on Lumpy's lap.

"I knew it," mused Daisy.

"DAISY!" snapped Flippy.

"Hey, I'm just being realistic," Daisy pointed out.

Garda McBossyboots turned his head around and registered what he had just sat on. He screeched like a girl, got up, ran and jumped out the window.

"OW!" yelped Garda McBossyboots. "F***ING BEAR TRAP!"

"And what a **bear **trap it is," sniggered Sierra.

"Right on," said Fiachrius. "I guess Garda McBossyboots won't be joining us for dinner."

"Neither will Eric Chin," said Haddy. "Any leftovers we have we can give them to Dick Green."

"The pizzas are coming in fifteen minutes," said Fiachrius, checking the clock on his phone. "Let's go watch some TV while we wait."

"Ooh, ooh, _Tallafornia_!" Ella suggested.

"I said **TV**, not some cheap, boring-assed group of teenagers fighting over contraceptives," said Fiachrius.

"How about the _Teletubbies_!" Lumpy suggested.

"We are not watching that either," said Fiachrius. "I'm not going to watch some aliens that live over the hills and far away watch pornographic videos on their bellies. Don't suggest _Dora the Explorer_ either because I am not going to watch some Mexican girl try and learn how to hop the border when she's wealthy enough to stay where she lives."

"How about _South Park_!" Fido suggested.

"_South Park_ it is," said Fiachrius, turning on the telly.

Then the pizzas came. When Fiachrius took them from Disco Bear, closed the door and entered the sitting room, he said: "Lads, ye wouldn't believe what Disco Bear just said to me when he first answered at the other end of the line!"

* * *

When they were finished their meals Flippy, Lumpy and the OCs went to pick their rooms. Fiachrius's house is a big house indeed.

"Can I sleep with you?" Lumpy asked Sparky. Sparky gave Lumpy the finger and said:

"You can sleep in the cellar."

"OK!" beamed Lumpy. He ran downstairs to the cellar, but when he first set foot in the cellar, he tripped and fell down the stairs to his temporary death.

Meanwhile, Fido and Odile were in Fido's room, playing on their laptops. They were both on Facebook.

"_How does it feel to be living in the same building as me?_" Fido typed on Odile's wall.

"_Cool, XD_," Odile typed in response.

"No way!" said Fido. "Look at this!" He pointed at Lifty's wall. It read:

_Lifty is in a relationship with Shifty_.

"No surprises there," said Odile. She typed what she had just said onto Lifty's wall as a comment. Fido liked her comment. So did everyone else who subsequently went on Lifty's wall. Fiachrius wrote:

"_Obviously._"

* * *

"OKAY, STORY TIME!" barked Fiachrius.

"What the f***?" demanded Flippy.

"It's a tradition," said Fiachrius. "Every night I read bed time stories."

"I bet it is more of a **method of torture** rather than a tradition," Sparky mused. "It's almost midnight and I have work in the morning."

"Would you attend if I told you that Lumpy is in the cellar, and that I locked the cellar door?" asked Fiachrius.

"Fine, I'll go," said Sparky.

"Good," said Fiachrius. Soon everyone except Lumpy, Eric Chin and Garda McBossyboots followed Fiachrius to the sitting room.

"Okay, so once upon a time," said Fiachrius, opening the book, "the end!" He closed the book.

Oisin applauded Fiachrius. When he realised that no-one else was applauding him, Oisin stopped.

"Now off to bed with ye lot," said Fiachrius, pointing towards the door.

"You woke us up for **this**?" demanded Alejandro.

"Yes, yes I did," said Fiachrius, proudly.

"You bastard!" growled Mario.

"What's the big deal?" Haddy asked. "At least it was only five seconds long or less."

"They also do that a lot in the military," said Flippy.

"No wonder you're always flipping out!" groaned Daisy, glaring at her uncle. "I'm going back to bed."

"GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!" said Fiachrius, blowing kisses. This prompted Flippy and the other OCs to rush out of the sitting room in sheer panic. Fiachrius quietly laughed to himself and went to bed.

He was certainly going to enjoy this.

* * *

**And that is just the start of _Unhappy Tree OCs_. There's more to come.**


	2. Dude! Where's My Bin!

**This is another chapter of **_**Unhappy Tree OCs**_**. By the way, OCs such as Ms Scratcher, Dick Green, Aunt Ina and Tina, Paige and Sandy and Fatwoman have not starred in the story yet. But they will be given roles later on. Now let's respond to the reviews:**

**Carlos45 – You've waited long enough my friend.**

**ButterflyBabyBlue – Glad you like it. Unfortunately, you can't take Fiachrius home. He's not very well trained. But you can see more of him in this chapter.**

**Little Ghost Girl – Thanks. I don't read stories aloud to entertain. I write them.**

**BunnyTheEpicBunny – If the last chapter has made your day, then this one is certainly not going to be any different.**

**WARNING: This chapter is significantly dirtier than the previous chapter. Hopefully this fic will still meet the criteria to remain at T, but if you feel I should raise it to M, I'll do it if you let me know in a review.**

**Now here we go.**

* * *

Fido, Mario and Lola were in the kitchen sipping coffee and eating toast. Flippy entered the room.

"Morning," he said. "Did ye sleep well last night?"

"Not really," Fido groaned. "Every fifteen minutes I was awoken by the phrase 'where's my pineapples' in a raised, stupid voice. It sounded awfully familiar, and it was coming from below the ground."

Lola shamefully hid her face in her hands. "That was my dad," she sighed. "You can beat him up if you like."

"I prefer he stays in the cellar," said Mario. "He keeps giving me migraines with his stupid, unpredictable outbursts."

"Is Lumpy still in the cellar?" asked Flippy.

"Yes," said Fido, "which happens to be right under my room."

"Can't you just move to a different room?" asked Flippy.

"There are no other rooms," Fido pointed out. "Besides, who is going to take my room if it's just above the cellar, where Lumpy is likely to be staying every night?"

"I'll take it!" exclaimed Garda McBossyboots as he passed by the kitchen. Fido, Flippy, Lola and Mario stared at him.

"Um...forget it," said Garda McBossyboots, walking away.

"I'd rather stay where I am than swap my room for another room which I may have to spend weeks and weeks disinfecting," sighed Fido. "The only other ones in the house who deserve to have my room are Eric Chin, Alejandro and Mario. I'm not swapping rooms with them either."

"AYO!" snapped Mario.

Lola reached out and removed Mario's moustache.

"OH?" yelped Mario, clutching his snout.

"I'll guess we'll just have to let Dad out," sighed Lola. She walked into the utility room, unlocked the door that led to the cellar and informed Lumpy that he can come out. Lumpy immediately bounced out of the basement. He bumped into his daughter, knocking her down and landing on top of her. He licked his daughter in the face as if he was her dog, much to everyone's sheer and utter horror.

Flippy pried Lumpy off Lola and pulled him away. "Seriously, what the f*** is wrong with you?" demanded Flippy. "You never do that to your daughter!"

Lola got up and said: "Okay, now I am **really** starting to regret leaving Finland for sure."

"Then go back," said Fiachrius, as he entered the kitchen. "I hear the Dudesons live there."

"Oh yeah, Finland's_ Jackass_," said Fido. "Those guys are unreal. One of them whacked another in the balls with a baseball bat while the latter was asleep."

"Another interesting thing about Finland is that Nokia is headquartered there," Fiachrius added. "Then again, they don't really make Android phones, so what good is that? But that's beside the point."

"Getting back to the Dudesons," said Fido, "why don't we get Lumpy to imitate their stunts? That would certainly be enough punishment for him."

"Actually, I'd **love** to clatter Lumpy's jewels with a baseball bat while he's asleep," said Lola. "I know he's my father, but after jumping on me and licking me, he deserves it. In fact, I wonder if there's a way of lighting him on fire and locking him in an enclosed space without burning down the house."

"No need," said Fiachrius. "We have plenty of saunas in this house to suit Finns like you."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that comment," said Lola.

* * *

Fido, Lola, Oisin, Odile, Flaky and Lumpy were on the rooftops of Fiachrius's house.

"Okay Dad," said Lola, "just go in this bin, I'll close the lid and your PB&J will magically appear in your hands."

"Okay," smiled Lumpy, climbing into the bin. Lola closed the lid and locked it shut with a padlock.

"What is going on?" came a voice from one of the slanted windows on the roof. It was Sparky. He opened the window and stuck his head out.

"Fido, I specifically told you not to imitate whatever you see on _the Dudesons_, _Jackass_, _Double the Fist_, _Mythbusters_ or _Brainiac_," Sparky scolded.

"Relax, Dad, we're only teaching Lumpy a lesson," said Fido.

"Oh, okay carry on," said Sparky, leaving and closing the window shut.

"I knew he wouldn't mind," said Fido.

"I'm not sure if this is such a good idea," said Flaky. "What if the bin lands on someone or some innocent animal or plant?"

Oisin looked over the edge of the roof and said: "All I see for a few metres radius is plain concrete. Given that, and that we are at the very top of a three-storey building if one doesn't count the attic or the cellar, we'd need to be extremely careful and get out a video camera. Anyone got a video camera?"

"My phone can record HD videos," said Odile, getting out her red Sony Ericsson Xperia Neo.

"Perfect!" said Oisin, as Odile proceeded to record.

"You are watching a video staring some of the Happy Tree Friends and some of Cottontop's OCs!" barked Lola. "Right now we are going to shove a bin containing Lumpy, who unfortunately happens to be my dad, right off this roof!" She paused and tilted her head to the bin.

"Okay, ready Dad?" asked Lola.

"PEANUTS!" screamed Lumpy, for no obvious reason.

"HERE WE GO!" barked Lola, giving the bin a slight shove. It immediately commenced sliding down the roof until it was over the edge, where it cascaded to the ground. It landed with a loud thump.

Meanwhile, Aidin, Sierra, Daisy, Alejandro, Cuddles, Giggles and Mario were at the bottom where the bin landed. Aidin was recording this on her pocket camcorder while Alejandro was presenting.

"What a landing!" exclaimed Alejandro. "The only casualty was Garda McBossyboots, who tried in vain to catch the bin in his arms when we told him that Lumpy is in it!"

"DADDY, NO!" yelped Cleo, as she ran up to the bin which was crushing her father. Garda McBossyboots managed to survive the impact, but every bone in his body apart from his skull was broken and he was practically paralysed. Cleo tried to shove the bin aside and off of Garda McBossyboots, but this only served to cause the bin to crush his internal organs as well. By the time the bin was fully off of him, Garda McBossyboots's guts, internal organs and bones were clearly visible to everyone else.

"Hmm, would this be too much?" Alejandro wondered. "Ah screw it; some of the other _Happy Tree Friends_ episodes on YouTube have far more guts and gore!"

"ARE YOU GUYS JUST GOING TO F***ING STAND THERE AND RECORD OR ARE YE GOING TO HELP?" demanded Cleo.

"Don't look at me, I'm just the camerawoman," said Aidin, shrugging. "I'm not supposed to intervene."

Next Fiachrius showed up. "Holy s***!" gasped Fiachrius. "My concrete! At least Dick Green has something to lick besides his own arse."

"WHAT ABOUT MY F***ING FATHER?" Cleo bellowed.

"What **about** your father?" demanded Fiachrius. "Don't tell me he's shagging one of Ms Scratcher's bins."

"YOU ARE F***ING SICK!" snapped Cleo.

"Oh, so **that's** where Cuddles got the bin," said Daisy. "Hope Ms Scratcher doesn't find out."

"Eh, you guys have Haddy and Fiachrius to save yourselves," Cuddles assured her.

"Speaking of which, here comes Haddy," said Giggles.

"I heard there was some green/yellow vixen using words she almost never uses," said Haddy. "What's the problem?"

"Meh, just some green/yellow vixen having her time of the month over her father having his time of the day with an inanimate object," said Fiachrius, "even though he should be having his time of the day behind **closed** doors."

"I have a solution," said Haddy.

"What?" asked Sierra.

"What?" asked Fiachrius.

"WHAT THE F*** IS IT?" asked Cleo.

Haddy sauntered over to Garda McBossyboots and kicked her heel against his forehead, thus killing Garda McBossyboots.

"There," said Haddy, "problem solved."

She walked away as if nothing major occurred. Cleo stood there, motionless, gazing at her dead father.

Then Fido, Lola, Oisin, Odile and Flaky showed up.

"Did you get it all?" asked Odile.

"We got all of it," said Sierra, "plus a bit of Garda McBossyboots, a bit of Fiachrius, a mouthful of Cleo and a lot of help from Haddy."

"Let's see what's inside the bin, now that it's been through a lot," said Aidin. Lola nodded and got out a key. She got to her knees, unlocked the padlock, removed it and opened the lid. A river of blood containing bones and organs flew out.

Cleo gasped as she saw this. "That's patricide!" she gasped. She knew Lola played a part in her father's demise.

"Hey, as long as the victim is Lumpy or Pop, and it takes place within the Happy Tree Dome, it's alright," Oisin assured her.

"Well **I'm** not convinced!" snarled Cleo, leaving the scene in a sulk.

"Ignore her," said Fiachrius, "she'll get run over by a vehicle in motion as she crosses a road pretty soon."

"We can only hope so," said Flaky. "I can't bear to think what trouble Cleo might stir up for us. At least nobody important was killed in the incident."

"Amen to that," said Fido.

"Okay, Dick," said Mario, "do your thing."

Dick Green showed up from nowhere in particular. He eagerly walked up to the blood and guts.

"Enjoy your dinner, Dick," said Fiachrius, as he, followed by Aidin, Sierra, Daisy, Alejandro, Cuddles, Giggles, Fido, Lola, Oisin, Odile, Flaky and Mario returned to the house.

Dick Green jumped into the remains and proceeded to feed on them and go to the toilet on them.

* * *

Twenty minutes or so later the doorbell rang. Fiachrius sauntered up to the front door and peered through the patterned glass by the door. Cleo and Ms Scratcher stood there on the doorstep. Ms Scratcher is a tall white cow with a few black patches, black hair tied up in a bun in the back of her head, black ears in the same shape as Lammy's, a pink nose resembling Truffles's nose and black pants, jumper and shoes that hide her pink artificial udder and the black hooves at her hind legs. She used to be a bull. It is rumoured that she underwent a sex-change operation because as a male her forename was Willy.

Fiachrius was reluctant to answer the door, but he shook the feeling away and answered it. "Why hello Ms Scratcher!" he said, pretending to be polite.

"FIACHRIUS, WHERE IS MY BIN?" roared Ms Scratcher, bringing her hands to her face, with her fingers widely spaced apart. She always does this whenever she's angry. It's a force of habit. Additionally, steam would sometimes emerge from her ears, whenever she gets really angry.

"At the south-west corner of the house where the back and the sideways meet," Fiachrius replied.

"TELL EVERYONE IN YOUR HOUSE THAT YE HAVE TO WRITE OUT FIFTEEN PAGES ON WHY IT IS WRONG TO STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S BINS!" ordered Ms Scratcher.

"Maybe **you** should write **thirty** pages on why it is wrong to not attach your bin to a fence or a wall or whatever using a padlock," Fiachrius back-answered the bull-to-cow-transsexual, who had steam emerging from her ears at this point in time.

"DO YOU WANT TO WRITE OUT **FORTY-FIVE** PAGES?" Ms Scratcher threatened.

"Like any of us would want to write a single word on whatever topic you were gabbing about," scoffed Fiachrius.

"Hey, **I** want to write forty-five pages on why it is wrong to steal other people's bins!" protested Cleo.

"That's because you are a no-life nerd who enjoys nagging and sucking up to cranky trannies who suck at teaching," snapped Fiachrius. He diverted his attention to Ms Scratcher. "Look, if you are livid over your bin turning up in my garden, then maybe you will need to take more anger management classes when you see the state your precious bin is in," he said. He closed the door and locked it shut.

"Wait, my stuff is still in there!" Cleo protested, ringing the doorbell again. But there was no answer.

Suddenly, Fliqpy jumped out of the two-storey window above and landed on Ms Scratcher. Fliqpy took over Flippy's body a few minutes beforehand when the latter saw the bin from his bedroom window. He got out his knife and slit it through Ms Scratcher's neck, beheading her in the process. When he was finished, Fliqpy grabbed Cleo by the head and decapitated her the same way he decapitated Ms Scratcher. He scooped up the headless bodies and severed heads and carried them around the house. He tossed them and Dick Green in Ms Scratcher's bin and closed the lid shut, sealing it with the same padlock that was used earlier.

Fliqpy grabbed hold of the handle and pushed the bin as he ran. He continued running until he ventured out onto the road. Fliqpy cracked an evil smile and let go of the bin, causing the bin to roll down the footpath. The bin knocked down and killed everyone that was on the footpath and it continued to do so until it crashed into a tree, breaking in half. Dick Green's blood, bones and guts spewed out like the yolk of an egg. Lifty and Shifty, who were 'playing' in the tree, fell out and cracked their skulls on the concrete when they landed.

Fliqpy was satisfied, but his satisfaction was short-lived. It started to rain. This caused Fliqpy to become Flippy again, who ran back to Fiachrius's house and rang the doorbell. Fiachrius let him in half a minute later.

* * *

**I told you guys it was dirty, but at least it was more in line with the **_**Happy Tree Friends **_**episodes you see on YouTube. Speaking of which, don't forget to watch their latest episode, **_**Brake the Cycle**_**. It's hilarious. Also, consider giving **_**the Dudesons**_** videos a try. They are also on YouTube. They normally speak English in the videos, but whenever they say something in Finnish, it is translated for the viewers in the subtitles, so that way the videos are coherent for the English-speaking audience.**

**Stay tuned for more **_**Unhappy Tree OCs**_**!**


	3. OH MY GOD!

**Two and a half months of absence. I am making no excuses for myself since laziness doesn't count as an excuse. Sorry about that. But before I continue, I'd just like to confirm that I, Cottontop, have changed my name to Red Eyed Warrior. I have many reasons for the change, but let's just say it is because of the eyes of the fella in my new profile picture. Also you may have noticed I've deleted **_**Total Drama Yuri**_**. If you miss **_**Total Drama Yuri**_**, join Deviant Art or request I send you the chapters through private messages. Most of you probably won't care since most of you are unfamiliar with the **_**Total Drama**_** series.**

**Carlos45 – Sorry to disappoint you, man. I take it because I didn't update this story over the summer you were seriously disappointed. I'll try to keep the updates going, but because I'm in college now, updates will occur less frequently.**

**xXMajorMinusXx – A fan of Oisin hitting on Toothy, are we? Well it is going to happen this chapter.**

**ButterflyBabyBlue – Oh Haddy's behaviour is **_**designed**_** to be crazy, casual and above all, unpredictable. That's why I love her too.**

**Cbyte64 – I'll use your OC in future chapters, but only**_** if**_** I decide to accept OCs.**

**WARNING: Lot's of ripping on _EastEnders_, _Jersey Shore_ and the Disney Channel on Fido, Odile, Alejandro and Fiachrius's parts, as well as a few scenes of which some readers might find disturbing.**

**Now that that's out of the way, enjoy the long overdue Chapter Three.**

* * *

Toothy awoke to discover Oisin lying right next to him.

"'morning sunshine," Oisin chirped. Toothy shrieked.

"Oh my God, what the hell?!" Toothy shrieked. He glared angrily at Oisin and he was like:

"What the bloody hell am I doing in your room?!"

"I brought you in here," said Oisin. "You were asleep in your own bed in your own bedroom in your own house and I figured you were lonely, so I dragged you all the way here. Fiachrius doesn't mind."

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Toothy. "What does Fiachrius have to do with anything?!" he demanded.

"We're in his house," Oisin smirked. "He let me and around fifteen to twenty other people stay after Splendid burnt our houses to the ground being the idiot he is."

"Well I'm out of here!" snapped Toothy, scurrying out of Oisin's bed. He immediately realised he was naked.

"Where the hell are my _Sex and the City_ pyjamas?!" the purple beaver shrieked. "And where are my _Sex and the City_ briefs?!"

"I stripped you out of them and set them on fire," said Oisin. "In fact, I set all of your stuff on fire, including your house. I guess you'll be living here for a while."

"YOU BASTARD!" screamed Toothy. "What was that for?!"

"Your house and contents were all effeminate and stuff," Oisin replied.

"So what?! **I'm** effeminate! I embrace the stereotypical effeminate gay male trend!"

"And you're the only one," Oisin told the beaver. "Every other gay guy in town, including myself, is manly and embraces the bear subculture. I bet your desperate father would be happy to have me as his son-in-law. I hear he's crying out for a masculine son-in-law, but no man in town is crying out for a boyfriend who acts like the Jonas Brothers, so your old man's extremely desperate."

"F*** off and mind your own business!" snarled Toothy. "I should've moved to Dublin instead of stay in Happy Tree Town. Dublin may be an expensive city but at least I'll be spoilt for choice relationship-wise despite being effeminate." He left the room, but not without receiving a slap in the butt-cheeks.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OISIN, STOP IT!" roared Toothy, darting out of the room. Oisin smirked and put the palms of his paws to the back of his head.

* * *

Fido, Odile, Alejandro and Ella were in the sitting room watching _The Big Bang Theory_ on the telly while eating their breakfast. Ella eventually got bored and snatched the remote from Odile. She switched over to MTV Europe to watch _Jersey Shore_. Fido and Alejandro covered their eyes in extreme horror. Odile glared at the elephant.

"What are you doing?!" Odile demanded, snapping the remote back and changing the channel back to E4.

"Putting on a better show!" Ella snapped, snapping the remote out of Odile's paw again and changing back to MTV.

"_**Better**_?!" shrieked Odile. "I'd rather watch every single episode of **_EastEnders_** than watch _Jersey Shore_, and _EastEnders_ is the most depressing show ever! Is this what you call better?!"

"Well **I** like that show!" snarled Ella.

"And **you** are the only one in town who likes it!" Odile snarled back. "In fact, you're the only one in the **county **who-"

"Oh no, you do not want to finish that sentence brown girl!" Ella threatened.

"Just change it back to E4 before the ads are over, and there will be no problems," Odile said calmly.

"NO!" barked Ella. "We are watching _Jersey Shore_ and that's final!"

"GIMME BACK THE REMOTE!" Odile ordered.

"NEVER!"

"GIVE IT!"

"NO!"

"COW!"

"FOO!"

"BITCH!"

Ella pounced on Odile and a major catfight ensued. Alejandro rolled his eyes. He reached over and grabbed the remote from where Ella was sitting, only to be dragged into the fight. Fiachrius entered the room two seconds later and observed the fight. He rolled his eyes and said:

"Are they having a three-way or what?"

"We were watching _The Big Bang Theory_ then Ella decided to make us watch something one-tenth as disturbing as something you'd see on the Disney Channel," Fido replied.

"_EastEnders_?" asked Fiachrius.

"No, _Jersey Shore_," Fido informed him.

"Oh believe me, kid, Jersey Shore is a million times better than _EastEnders_," said Fiachrius.

"I guess so," said Fido. "But I still don't want to watch the _Jersey Shore_."

Fiachrius responded by breaking up the fight, taking the remote control out of Ella's hand and switching the channel back to E4.

"Problem solved," said Fiachrius, plopping down on the couch where Ella was sitting. Ella got up, walked over to where the schnauzer was sitting and was like:

"You're in my spot."

"Then find another spot," said Fiachrius. "Preferably anywhere other than my lap. My legs are an important asset to me."

"And what is that supposed to mean, hmm?!" Ella demanded.

"Go figure it out for yourself, I'm trying to watch _The Big Bang Theory_," said Fiachrius. "I always watch _The Big Bang Theory_ on Sunday mornings."

"Sunday mornings?" Fido wondered. "Press the _select_ button on the remote so I can check the time and date." Fiachrius shrugged, pressed the _select _button and a banner appeared on the screen. According to the banner, it was Sunday the 9th and it was gone a quarter past eleven.

"Oh crap, I have to get ready for mass!" said Fido, getting up.

"Are you Catholic?" Fiachrius asked Fido.

"Yes, why?"

"Then why are you going to mass?"

"It helps me to deal with the harrowing reality that I'm living in the same town as Lumpy. In fact, now that I'm living under the same roof as him I'd probably die of stress if I don't go to mass."

"Why can't you just go for a nice, long walk in an area where Lumpy is barred from entering, such as anywhere outside the Happy Tree Dome?" Fiachrius asked. "From my experience, it is more effective in coping with Lumpy's presence than spending three quarters of an hour within a twenty-five metre radius of a predator."

"I go to mass to be more confident about my religion, not just for the priests," said Fido. "Besides, there's always a crowd of people at mass, it's always the lay people who give out the body and blood of Christ and most important of all, only a handful of priests are … how should I say it? … creepy."

"Suit yourself then, but like most Catholics I'm just going to stay at home and pray to God and the afterlife whenever I feel like it," said Fiachrius.

"Actually, you and Lumpy are the only Catholics in town who don't attend mass on a weekly basis," said Flippy, entering the room.

"Seriously?!" exclaimed Fiachrius. "Well in that case I'd better get ready for mass. I don't want to be in any category with just Lumpy. In fact, I could use a break from him once in a while."

"Oh no, you guys are bringing Lumpy with you," Daisy interjected.

"Why?" Odile asked.

"First of all, you know I don't go to mass since I'm a Muslim, and second of all I want a break from him as well."

"Sorry Daisy but Lumpy's not coming with us," said Fiachrius. "Not only are we going to mass just to get away from him, we also can't have him getting molested by one of the creepy priests who may sneak into the church despite being excommunicated."

"And about you being a Muslim," Flippy confessed, "the only reason I don't bring you with me to mass is in case you are politically incorrect. The good priests don't deserve to be offended, while the bad ones will beat you up. In fact, worrying that your jokes and slagging may go far with the local imam, who has autism and thus can't understand slagging, has been the one reason I have not encouraged you to go to the mosque every Friday evening."

"WHAT?!" Daisy was like. "You said I only had to recite prescribed prayers in Arab five times a day at appropriate times."

"Well most Muslims do that in places where you wouldn't find a mosque," Odile assured her.

"I guess, but I am still mad," said Daisy. She turned to Flippy and said: "And just for that, I'm coming with you to mass. And I'm going to recite prescribed prayers and sing hymns so badly everyone will be looking at us."

"You'd better not," Flippy hissed at his niece.

"Well it's settled," said Fiachrius. "We're going to mass!"

* * *

The residents of Fiachrius's mansion – minus Lumpy – arrived at the church before mass commenced at twelve o'clock. Even the non-Catholics – Aidin, Oisin, Daisy, Cleo, Garda McBossyboots, Ella and Eric Chin, etc. – tagged along. They all had their own motives. Aidin, an Anglican Protestant, wanted to go to mass and saw no differences between celebrating mass at an Anglican church and doing it in a Catholic church besides the teachings of a presence of Purgatory, substituting the word 'ghost' with the word 'spirit' whenever the former comes after the word 'holy', and confessionals were present. Oisin went because he learnt that most Catholic priests still teach that homosexual coitus is sinful and Oisin wanted to embarrass Toothy, who was also going to mass. Eric Chin didn't have much of a choice.

The first fifteen minutes of the mass went smoothly, but after that things went horribly wrong. Cleo proceeded to correct a little boy that was sitting in the pew in front of her, even for minor things such as coughing, reading a small book with colourful pictures or constantly shifting positions on his father's knee. Haddy eventually had to take Cleo outside the door and strangle her so that the father and his son wouldn't have to get up and sit somewhere else. As promised, when the congregation was articulating prayers together, Daisy deliberately recited them incorrectly. Furthermore, the white bear also sang the hymns louder than everyone else to the point everyone at mass could've sworn there was an opera singer in the church. Hardly anyone cared, but this made it impossible for Flippy to sing or pray without constantly pausing to look at his niece in case she was up to no good. At one point Oisin grabbed Toothy by the cheeks and kissed him on the lips. Much to the monkey's dismay, Father Pop, the priest who was leading the mass that day, continued to drone on, either oblivious or indifferent to Oisin's supposedly taboo actions. This did not stop Toothy, however, from giving Oisin a bitch-slap to the left cheek with his right hand. Eventually, the troublemakers calmed down and for the next ten minutes there were no disturbances.

"I LIKE PEANUTS!"

The congregation and Father Pop froze. They knew from the sound of that voice Lumpy was not far from where they were.

"I LIKE PEANUTS!"

The congregation and Father Pop cringed. They looked over at Lola, who shamefully buried her face in her hands. Like she did, they all knew the horrible truth. Her father showed up all of a sudden.

"I LIKE PEANUTS!"

As it turned out, Lumpy's random outbursts were coming from one of the confessionals. Father Pop sighed and anxiously walked off the altar and over to the confessional. He swallowed hard and opened the confessional. A horrible sight met the bear's eyes.

Inside the confessional was Father Disco Bear, with Lumpy sitting on his lap. Both men were naked and judging by the scent that was emerging from them it was vividly clear that they were in violation of the Catholic Church's teachings against homosexual coitus (in fairness, most Catholics reject this teaching, but the clergy must still follow it). The most disturbing aspect was Lumpy being selectively oblivious to the compromising position he was in.

"Father Disco Bear!" barked Father Pop. "How could you violate the sacred teachings condemning homosexual coitus as being sinful?!"

"I like peanuts!" Lumpy randomly shouted.

Father Disco Bear began to panic when a perfectly reasonable excuse occurred to him. He smiled evilly at Father Pop and stated: "You're right. I am sinful. But with all due respect, Father Pop, I am not as sinful as **you.**"

"Please elaborate, not just for me, but for the **entire** community of believers," Father Pop sneered.

"Gladly! First of all, you violated the sacred teachings condemning coitus between members of the clergy and members of the laity by engaging in sexual intercourse with a prostitute in her early twenties. Second, you employed artificial means of contraception such as condoms and contraception pills during the intercourse, which is sinful. Third, according to letters exchanged between you and the prostitute, you were imploring her to go to England and get an abortion, and abortion is a mortal sin which can lead to excommunication. Finally, you ended up raising the resulting child on your own even though the Church disapproves of single parenting and worse still, you're very neglectful and the child has suffered at the hands of your incompatible parenting techniques. What do you think about that, hmm?"

Immediately, Father Pop turned to face his congregation, force a smile and say sheepishly: "H-He was only kidding, you see." Unfortunately for him, the congregation could see through Pop's lies and not ten seconds later Pop was running along the fields towards the horizon with an angry mob in hot pursuit. The residents of Fiachrius's mansion did not partake in the mob, as they were too shocked about the compromising position Lumpy was in; butt-naked and sitting on Father Disco Bear's bare lap. Fiachrius looked over at Fido and said:

"Not all priests are creepy, huh?" Fido smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

* * *

"Wow, looks like all of those years of hitting on young girls make sense," said Mario. "Father Disco Bear was hiding something from us."

"Don't remind me," Lola huffed.

"You should not have left your father with that priest back in the church," jeered Mario. "Sure, you're father is in his mid-forties, but given his below-zero IQ I don't think your father is capable of consenting to coitus."

"I said don't remind me," Lola snapped. The dark green moose was getting angry.

"I take it you've given up on your father and you would like to have nothing to do with him," Mario teased.

"OH MY GOD MARIO WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!" screamed Lola. "I MAY BE ENDURING A TROUBLED CHILDHOOD BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT GOING TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA LIKE YOU!"

"I AM GONG TO KILL YOU!" Mario snarled. Lola removed Mario's moustache from his snout.

"OH?!" yelped Mario, clutching his snout.

"I don't know about you guys, I sure enjoyed the mass," beamed Fiachrius.

"Really?" demanded Aidin. "You enjoyed it when Russell, who was giving out the bread, got his hook caught in Cuddles' throat? You enjoyed it when Petunia fell from the balcony and cracked her skull off the back of one of the pews at the back of the church? You enjoyed it when Flippy flipped out after seeing the wine, thinking it was real blood, and brutally slaughtered half the people who were attending the mass?"

"Correction: it is **actually** blood Flippy saw," said Sierra. "It's the blood of Jesus Christ."

"Symbolically," said Aidin.

"No, it's a fact that bread and wine are physically the body and blood of Jesus Christ," Sierra corrected her.

"Let's talk about something else before we end up reliving the troubles in Northern Ireland," said Fiachrius.

"Yes, violence is never the answer," Eric Chin added.

"Nobody asked for your opinion, Eric," said Fiachrius. "And just for that, you can go down to the principal's office."

"But-" Eric Chin protested.

"Haddy?" Fiachrius tilted his head at the lavender Labrador. Haddy responded by grabbing Eric Chin by the neck, shoving him against a wall and assaulting his head repeatedly with a hammer until Eric Chin died of brain damage.

"That ought to teach him a lesson he'll never forget," said Fiachrius.

* * *

**Sorry if some of the content was … well … dark. In fact, this chapter was dirtier that the previous chapter. If this chapter offended you, feel free to rant about it in your reviews, but whatever you do, **_**PLEASE**_** don't rat me out to the Pope. Or else you will burn in Hell. Ah I'm just messing with ya.**

**Once again, I'm sorry for the delay. It's only going to get worse because, as I said, I'm starting college on Monday so I will have less time for writing fan fiction. Saturday will be the only day I'll be writing from now until the Christmas holidays.**

**By the way, I received a nasty anonymous review two months ago. The reviewer was obviously cheesed off about the **_**Happy Tree Friends**_** fandom being littered with OC stories and he/she accused all OCs of being Mary-Sue. Seriously, if you feel there should be more stories on this fandom that do not have any OCs in them; then write them. I deleted the review shortly after receiving it. No wonder so many authors don't accept anonymous reviews.**


	4. A Christmas Miracle With Disasters

**Yes, Christmas is around the corner. But what else is there? Ah yes, an update after another three months hiatus. Well, I've been busy with college for the past few months, but thankfully I'm off for the next five weeks. Of course, this won't guarantee mountains of updates over the course of the next five weeks. I'll be working at a small factory for the last three weeks of my break, and when I'm not working, I'll be partying, especially now that I'm eighteen years old and that I can now drink beer and cider. Yep, it's great to be Irish, since I won't have to wait until I'm twenty-one to drink. Sorry for rubbing it in your faces, if you live in America. However, I will be updating my stories almost every day for the next two weeks… almost. I have other stories to work on too, so the next update could very well be weeks away, I guess. Now onto the reviews:**

**Carlos45 – Glad it was well worth the wait. About Lumpy shouting that he loves peanuts constantly, well… he's just an idiot. But I'll move on to making him do other stupid things.**

**ButterflyBabyBlue – Glad that line made your day. There'll be plenty of more laughs to come.**

**For those of you who are familiar with **_**Total Drama**_**, you will be glad to know that I am reviving the chapters of Total Drama Yuri and publishing them as separate chapters on the site. Some of them are already up. Don't forget to try out my latest stories: **_**Total Drama: Island Renewed**_** and **_**My Big Fat Creepy Roommate**_**. Actually, now that I think about it, you probably shouldn't. They are so creepy and mentally scarring, I wouldn't be surprised if I received angry letters from pissed-off parents. So just read this chapter and pray that the only reason you will be suffering from insomnia on Christmas Eve will be because of the presents you may receive in the morning and that reading my stories will have nothing to do with it.**

* * *

It was Christmas Eve in Happy Tree Town at last. A great Christmas was expected, but unfortunately, this wasn't going to happen this year.

Splendid was causing more trouble this year, though none of this was intentional. In an attempt to capture Lifty and Shifty, the flying squirrel burnt every other premise except one to the ground. That premise was Fiachrius's mansion. Fortunately, nobody has to worry about anymore havoc caused by Splendid. Lifty and Shifty drove too far and they were involved in a car crash just outside the Happy Tree Dome. They survived, but they fell into a coma. They will also be spending the next few years in jail when they get out of the coma. Anyway, Splendid was taken by the United Nations. They brought him to The Hague where he was tried and imprisoned. Sadly, it would take ages for the damage to be repaired, so Christmas was going to be spent in Fiachrius's mansion by default.

So anyway, the whole town were lying around the sitting-room of Fiachrius's mansion, where the Christmas tree was. There was nothing to do but watch telly or socialise, but the last one was hard. Sierra and Daisy were telling really offensive jokes to the elderly residents. Some of the elders had heart attacks because they were so badly shocked by some of the couple's jokes. Flippy eventually lost count of how often he had to yell "DAISY!" because of this. Sniffles' proposals to use time travel to reverse Splendid's actions fell on deaf ears – but then again, everyone was aware that Sniffles' inventions have a tendency to malfunction, so who could blame the people who ordered Sniffles to "shut the f*** up!" Disco Bear was no longer hitting on girls now that his deepest, darkest secret was out, but that still change the opinions of everyone else about him. He shifted Lumpy, and because Lumpy's stupidity automatically declares him immune from claiming any responsibility whatsoever, Disco Bear was blamed for Lola's insomnia and for the fact that she had to see a shrink every Tuesday for weeks since the incident.

But there was far more tension in the kitchen than in the sitting-room, primarily because of Ella.

"Yo, get away from me, ya lit'l slut!" Ella snarled.

Giggles backed away from the elephant, looking very hurt. "I just wanted to go to the utility room!" she protested. "All I did was say excuse me!"

"Well excuse me, but you ain't coming near the wash-machine and touching ma clothes, capiche?" Ella barked.

"All she wanted was to use the toilet!" Cuddles interjected, backing his girlfriend up.

"Don't give me that, ya foo!" Ella hissed. "I've read those stories about Giggles on Fan Fiction Net! I've seen her true colours!"

"Well in that case, you're exactly similar to those idiot fans on Fan Fiction Net," sneered Fiachrius, walking over to the crowd. "Ella, Giggles and Cuddles live here now. Can you be less of a bitch to them?"

"Never!" snarled Ella. "I know for a fact that chipmunk'll rob my clothes from the wash-machine!"

"What are your clothes doing in my washing machine?" Fiachrius questioned. His eyes were wide as dinner plates. He calmed down before he grunted: "Great; now I'm going to have to get a new washing machine after Christmas. I just had it installed last year."

"I live here, you know!" snapped Ella.

"Ella, the laundrettes were not destroyed by Super-Clumsy-man," Fiachrius pointed out. "Make use of them. There are too many people living in this house to share the washing machine and tumble dryer. And seriously, do you believe those inaccurate portrayals of Giggles in these fan fictions to be true?"

"Oh, I _know_ they are true!" Ella huffed.

Fiachrius rolled his eyes. "Ella, you… are a vagina," he sniggered. Ella glared at Fiachrius before leaving the kitchen in a sulk. When the ordeal was over, Cuddles asked Giggles:

"Are you okay, Giggles?"

"Yes, Cuddles, I'm fine," sighed Giggles, "but thank you for standing up for me, both of you." She shook hands with Fiachrius and hugged her boyfriend. They broke from the hug so Giggles could use the toilet.

"Poor thing," said Fiachrius.

"Tell me about it," sighed Cuddles. "This is the main reason why she's retired from teaching people how to date a woman. People can be so closed-minded."

"What about the time you saw that fake YouTube video of her and Disco Bear?" Fiachrius jeered.

Cuddles glared the dog, before replying: "I didn't see the ending until Petunia informed me of the truth. Besides, Giggles promised never to teach Disco Bear how to have a successful date. Would you blame me if the video was real?"

"Good point," said Fiachrius. All of a sudden, Toothy ran into the utility room. Fiachrius and Cuddles blinked. The entered the utility room to notice Toothy stuffing himself in the washing machine… in which Ella's clothes were stored.

"Toothy, what the Hell are you doing?" Fiachrius demanded.

"Hiding from Oisin, duh!" groaned Toothy. Footsteps sounded. Oisin entered the room and asked:

"Hey, have you dudes seen Toothy anywhere? I want him to give me a BJ."

"No," Fiachrius droned, casually closing the door of the washing machine and turning it on, setting it to the highest possible temperature and the longest possible washing time. Giggles walked out of the toilet and greeted Oisin.

"Oh, hi Oisin," she smiled.

"Hey Giggles," the monkey replied, "have you Toothy anywhere?"

"No, I haven't, sorry," said the chipmunk. Then she noticed Fiachrius and Cuddles smirking, explaining why Fiachrius was standing right in front of machine, like he was trying to hide something. She immediately realised where Toothy was: trapped in a small drum half his size and deprived of oxygen, constantly banging his head, eventually going to drown in scorching hot water and getting smothered by clothes worn by – oh the shame of it! – ELLA! Cruel as it is in its own right, Giggles knew that Toothy would rather have that than Oisin's junk in his mouth. She shrugged and walked out of the utility room to find Odile, Flaky, Petunia, Lola and Lammy so she can have girl talk with them. Oisin shrugged as well, opting to have a snowball fight with Fido, Nutty and Chester. Cuddles and Fiachrius decided to join in as well.

* * *

The remaining few hours of the evening were a living Hell. Ella wouldn't quit bitch-slapping Toothy after he was revived because he got blood all over here corpse. Mario wouldn't stop hitting on Sierra, until she removed his moustache, and then he was like: "OH?!" Cub crawled into the fireplace when Pop wasn't looking, so in retaliation, some of the fathers and mothers kicked Pop out and left him outside to die a slow, painful death from hyperthermia. Lumpy ate the mince pie and carrot, and drank the milk that was left out for Santa. Fortunately, there was enough milk and carrots to keep the mansion going for a week, but Lumpy ate the very last mince pie. Ultimately, the household was forced to leave out several biscuits no one wanted from the biscuit assortment tins.

That night, everyone was asleep. Fido was sharing his room with Cuddles, Toothy, Oisin and Chester from now on, but he didn't mind. However, there were only four beds, so poor Toothy was not in luck. Then at around half past twelve, just when the boys dosed off to sleep, Lumpy barged into the room, crying his eyes dry.

"Why are you crying?" Chester demanded, covering his ears with a pillow because Lumpy's wails were somewhat deafening.

"SANTA CLAUS IS NOT REAL!" Lumpy wailed, spewing snot all over his face.

"Shut up before the children can hear you!" Fido hissed. "I'm sure you'll still get presents if you would just quit whinging!"

Lumpy stopped screaming, but he sobbed: "But Santa is *sniff* n-not REAL! WAAAAAAAAH!" All of a sudden, every other child in the mansion that was under the age of seven started bawling and roaring, while children aged seven through twelve inclusive got confused and proceeded to ask their parents awkward questions.

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Fliqpy, because Flippy has already flipped out. Normally, he would kill everyone in his path, but he was even more desperate for some sleep. "If you guys are really this concerned, maybe ye should go into the sitting room!" he snarled. "But wait ten minutes! And as for you, Lumpy," Fliqpy growled, pouncing on the mouse and snapping his antlers, "don't you dare disturb me while I'm asleep!" The children nodded as they went back to their beds.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the children walked down the stairs with Haddy and Fiachrius in the lead. They stopped just outside the door of the sitting-room.

"Okay, kiddies," said Fiachrius. "So Lumpy messed things up for your childhoods. Well, here is the truth about Santa Claus."

"Yeah, and that Santa Claus obviously does not exist!" Cleo snapped, who happened to be spying on the crowd so she can catch potential troublemakers and rat them out to their parents. Silence filled the air around the group for fifteen uneasy seconds. Then Haddy sauntered over to Cleo, grabbed her by the arm, dragged her to the cupboard under the stairs, opened the door of the cupboard, dragged Cleo inside the cupboard with her and closed the door behind her. The sound of a chainsaw can be heard coming from the cupboard. Haddy casually walked out of the cupboard and kicked the door shut behind her.

"Ignore her," Haddy told the children, who were silently curious as to what was going on in the cupboard under the stairs.

"Alright," said Fiachrius, "get ready for the big surprise!" He opened the door to the sitting-room. Standing inside the middle of the sitting-room was the big surprise.

It was a green bear, donning a red hat, a red coat, red trousers, a fake white beard and moustache, black boots and black gloves.

"Santa?" gasped Cub, oblivious to the fact that it was his uncle wearing that costume.

"Yes, Cub!" beamed Flippy, who was dressed as Santa. "Merry Christmas!" The children ran up to Flippy and embraced him. This went on for five minutes. Then Flippy calmly said:

"No go to bed, children!" beamed Flippy. "You're presents will be there when the sun comes up!" The children nodded eagerly as they bounced back to their beds, still unaware of who was disguised as Santa Claus, except for the older children. They agreed with their parents to just pretend it was Santa in front of the children, now that they've gotten over the truth about Saint Nick, and that they are grateful for the efforts of their parents, guardians and, of course, Flippy.

"That was brilliant, Flippy," beamed Haddy, when she was certain all of the children were in bed. Unusually, she was smiling, without any sinister indication evident behind that smile.

"Are you smiling?" asked Flippy.

"Of course," Haddy replied. "It was very kind of you. Well, normally you are kind when you're not flipped out, but even so."

"And now the children's childhoods are no longer screwed," Fiachrius added. He realised something. "Wait, didn't we forget Lumpy?" he asked.

"Ah, f*** him," Flippy assured him. "I slaughtered him as well as Ms Scratcher and Garda McBossyboots. I've locked them in the cellar. When should they be let out?"

"Wait until Epiphany," said Fiachrius. "I sure could benefit from a twelve day break from those morons."

"Agreed," said Haddy. "Now let's put those presents under the tree."

* * *

**And that, my friends, is a Christmas miracle. Another Christmas miracle was me giving you guys this update as an early Christmas present before Christmas Day. So anyway, if you observe Christmas like I do, Merry Christmas. If you observe Hanukkah, Happy Hanukkah! If you don't observe any tradition, Happy Holidays. And if you find this time of the year to be stressful or depressing, just know that there are at least seven billion people on this planet and that some of them may be there for you. Go spend some time with people. And also remember that I am thinking of you guys as well. I love Christmas, and but I do understand the end of December can be a tough time of the year so some people, so think about these people.**

**HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!**


End file.
